Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
