this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
