...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
