i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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