8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
