there's paper in my vomit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
