____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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