Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
