I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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