Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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