so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
