she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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