I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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