I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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