I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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