I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
