Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will be naked everywhere
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
