Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry about my life...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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