HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
