You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
