i think i have two assholes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
