you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
