Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
