I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
