remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
