ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
