The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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