I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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