put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
