youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
