dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
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