I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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