Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
