I bet he comes in French.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
