are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
