I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
