It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
