He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
