i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
