Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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