why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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