PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
