I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
