I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
