We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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