He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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