he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
