i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
