If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
