Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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