I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
